ExecuMate

Balancing Work and Life from the Home Office

2012-03-09T09:41:00.000-08:00

When I was researching this concept two years ago, I foundit began in other countries and very common. The U.S. just startedentertaining this concept for real. And, there are many reasons, but I am goingto shoot for the reason being we are a very structured country. OK, justguessing…

But onto the subject at hand, can life be more balanced byworking from the home? And how does that work?

A recent conversation with a married 30-ish career woman,wife and mother of a three-year-old, revealed it was a great idea. Before, shespent so much time preparing for the day, arranging schedules, finding a back-upsitter when the little guy was sick, etc., that her productivity at workwas lacking. However, the simple routine now goes like this:

Get the three-year-old ready for preschool, prep breakfast and out the door with Dad. He drops him off on the way to work.

She goes into her office, works until noon, takes a walk/lunch break, returns to working at her computer and on the phone until husband and child return home. She also has time now in the afternoon break to prepare a bit of supper for the evening.

By working from home, she is more productive at work and less stressed at home. It’s a good balance for her – and her family.

It does seem like a good plan. My only caution: carve outface time with clients or bosses as we would not want the slogan “out of sight,out of mind” to create an invisible employee.

Working from home can be a success but only with thatone reoccurring word: discipline. Be sure to weigh the potential benefits and challenges if you’re contemplatingthe switch.

Recognizing the Seasons of Life

2012-02-27T14:10:00.001-08:00

As winter isstill upon us and we look forward to spring, I’m reflecting on theseasons of life. So which season are you presently in?

To recognizethat season, please take note it is not determined by years of life, but howyou have navigated through your life and how you have processed it. Afterrecognition, one must determine what to do with that season, and if you areready to move to the next, etc.

An importantpart of recognizing your current season, I believe, is nailing down your priorities.Where are your priorities? Time? Money?Family? Friends? Fun? The answer lies within your own mind, of course, but totruly recognize them, look at your life. Where do you spend the majority ofemphasis in time and energy? It is true that actions speak louder than words. So,if you don’t like where the pie chart is taking you on priorities, take time tochange it . . . through actions.

And then, toseek that balance in priorities, are you changing because you WANT to, or is itbecause you or someone you love is hurt enough that you HAVE to. Regardless,free will has attitude, and producing a good attitude during the change willnot only help you, but those around you, weather any storm.

As wintermight be dragging a bit in your life and you are looking forward to a brighter spring-likeday, find your priorities, recognize your season, and make your plan to changeif you don’t like the current forecast.

Maintaining Work-Life Balance While Traveling

2012-02-17T08:37:00.000-08:00

I am in my office at this moment catching up from traveling.I have found that it makes no difference if being gone is for work or fun.Returning to piles of work in my office is a drag. So I ask myself constantly,how can I make this balance better?

1. Phones with email access are a huge help. Whocan live without a smartphone these days?! I find that when I return home I can zip through the emails repeated on mycomputer in a delete frenzie if I have tended to them on my iPhone.

2. Take work with you. I try to take a bit of work in different areas, whether it be my business, my home bills or my ranch paperwork; and my iPad, which I can write a blog or two on if I need to be creative. I give myself choices so when I do get home, I am able to feel like I did something, even if it wasn’t as much as I had hoped. If you take too much with you, your briefcase will be very lonely on that trip sitting in the corner. Paul Davis, a writer who was able to work full-time for six months while road tripping his way through the United States, shares lots of good ideas for how to work while on the road on his blog, Vagabondish.

3. Don’t beat yourself up. I have done this so many times. It is a fact for everyone that you will be behind for a while, well, that is, unless you have an assistant!

4. Reward yourself for catching up. Movie anyone? How about a nice long walk to de-stress and chat with a friend as you walk? Or how about planning your next trip? Now, that’s a reward!!

Balancing the Scale

2012-02-10T08:49:00.000-08:00

Being physically fit has always been in my sights. Even as achild, I watched intently as Jack LaLanne would demonstrate his exercises andisometrics on the black and white TV. During my 20s, high impact aerobics werepopular, and my family and friends were in that era, but in my 30s I noticedthat it was tennis, then later golf. But in my busier work career, the routinehad fallen off, as I was “busy” and “didn’t have time.” Yes, it can graduallytake you down a road where the sight of stairs drives you to the elevator. So,my excuse in my 40s became a time issue… and rightly so as every moment seemedfilled. However, could I have made that balance? And “HOW could I?” is reallythe question.

Devotion and commitment are two words that must beforefront. And IF I had disciplined myself to that 30 extra minutes three timesper week, it could have made a difference in my mental game. Priority isanother key word. So where does your priority lie?

I have noticed that big companies have fitness rooms, andnice ones, too, that offer employees the opportunity to get moving towardsfitness. Or how about a lunch walk in which you take your sandwich on a walkwith you? And a co-worker, too! Not only will you be moving and losing, but youwill not be spending those extra dollars on an out-to-lunch date which can becostly over time. The military offers a few great tips for even working out at your desk!

I think we get it. It is a matter of MAKING time, early inthe day, or lunch time, to find the commitment, devotion and priority to makeit happen.

Jack LaLanne and his programs were broadcast in black andwhite. Come to think of it, the concept is black and white… just do it. Thencolorful results will appear with a better you in the mirror.

Balancing Work and Life: How to Rise Before the Sun Does

2012-02-02T05:03:00.000-08:00

I recently posted ten reasons to wake up early, but I thought it would also be helpful to share a few ideas on howto make this possible. Waking up early is important to achieving balance eachday because it prepares you for the day ahead and allows you to do things youdon’t usually have time for. While the benefits of waking up earlier may seem obvious,actually finding the motivation to stop snoozing each day may feel a littlemore daunting – but it doesn’t have to be. Here are six ideas PeterShankman recently shared:

6) Water. Keep aglass of water next to your bed and drink the entire glass before your alarmshuts off. Water is a great wake-up call because it opens brain cells andrejuvenates you.

5) Get up—now!Move your alarm clock to somewhere you can’t reach so you have to get out ofbed to turn it off. Some even recommend putting the kibosh on your alarmclock’s snooze feature.This and the water will help get you moving faster.

4) Get a pet. Feeda pet at 5 a.m. once, and he or she will make sure you’re up and at ‘em to eat!

3) Just do it. Don’ttell yourself you’re going to wake up early, actually do it! If you set youralarm at 5 a.m., wake up at 5 a.m. No snoozing until 6:30!

2) Leave your room. Onceyou’re done sleeping, it’s time to leave the bedroom. Go drink some coffee inthe kitchen or check your email and read the paper in the living room.

1) Early to bed… Earlyto rise. Easiest way to get up earlier? Get to bed and get those eight hours!Yes, this might be a transition at first, but when you start to enjoy thethings you’re able to accomplish in the morning, you’ll find all the motivationyou need to get to bed earlier.

The best way to start a new routine is to justdo it! Don’t wait until the first of next month or after avacation. There are always a million reasons not to do something. Don’t makeanymore excuses – try waking up early tomorrow morning and see how much you canaccomplish before 7 a.m. Better balance is just an early morning away.

Balancing Work and Life: Rise and Shine

2012-01-26T04:30:00.000-08:00

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man (and woman!)healthy, wealthy and wise. You’ve heardthe saying – and let’s add “balanced” to that list of benefits. Personally, I’ma morning person – I find it the perfect time to meditateand exercise,preparing me for a calmer, more balanced day.

While I understand we’re not all morning people, there aremany positives to waking up earlier, including improving your work-lifebalance. Why? Peter Shankman summed it up in a recent post called WhyYou NEED To Get Up Earlier (And How To Do It!). Here are Peter’s top 10reasons to get up early every day – which I agree with 100 percent:

10) Daily dose ofinformation. Take ten minutes to read your favorite websites or newspaperso you know all the relevant current events for the day. Why do it before youget your day started? You can read several websites without being interruptedby emails or calls.

9) Make the mornings about you. Withminimal distractions happening this early, it’s one of the only times in theday to focus on yourself. Make some coffee, play with your pets or do yoga to setthe tone of calm and balance for the day.

8) Appreciate thelittle things. You might see the sun set every day, but how often do youwake up early enough to appreciate a sunrise? It’s amazing how something assimple as watching the sun rise can help to put life into perspective.

7) You’re not runninglate! The “rush” and anxiety of running late in the morning can follow youall day long. Getting up earlier ensures you are on time and calmer once youget to work. Peter also mentions that “studies have shown that being on time isone thing that good leaders master, as well as demand.” Is your boss always ontime? Impress them by doing the same.

6) Eat breakfast. Ohyes, that often forgotten but oh-so-important first meal of the day. As ahelpful reminder, be sure to set out the bowl, spoon and cereal at night.

5) Move it! Wakingup earlier means you get the park or treadmill all to yourself. When mostpeople hit the gym around 6:30 a.m., you can be there to claim your space wellbefore then.

4) A more enjoyabledrive to work. Isn’t this enough reason to get up earlier? Hit the roadbefore everyone else does and you’ll be much calmer throughout the day. Noticea pattern yet?

3) Greet the day likea power player. Want to know why CEOs and other leaders are so successful?One key secret is 7 a.m. breakfasts. They have important meetings withinfluential people over coffee and eggs because they get up earlier thaneveryone else.

2) “Spare time”activity. Wish you could update your blog more? Organize emails? Playpiano? Do these activities early in the morning when you normally would besleeping.

1) Do something important.Peter says the number one reason to get up early is to take 30 minutes tochange the world. Getting up early can make a difference in your life for allthe above reasons. Imagine just doing a few of these things. How much moreproductive would you feel each day?

While there are many benefits to waking upearly, including finding that all-important balance - in the next post, we’lltalk about something that may be a little tougher to conquer: HOW to wake upearlier.

New Year's Resolutions: Practicing Balance Every Day

2012-01-16T14:24:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! A new year means new resolutions. For manyof us, this might mean working out more, losing weight or saving money. Findingwork-life balance may not be as common a resolution as losing weight, but itcan have the same impact. What’s the real reason for finding balance? Feelbetter? Reduce stress? Be healthier? All of the above? But similar to manyother resolutions, it can be easy to start – and too easy to stop.

The idea of initiating goals for the year on January 1 is absolutelyreasonable – but only revisiting your life goals and priorities once a year isunreasonable. Instead, take time to revisit them on a regular – even daily –basis throughout the year, especially when there are major life events in theroad ahead.

For example, rather than setting a general goal of “findingbalance” that may feel overwhelming, try asking “what is something small I cando each day to achieve balance in my life?” Whether it’s finding 30 minutes foryourself each day or leaving work at the office at the end of the day, these small,daily steps provide positive reinforcement as you work toward the ultimategoal. This maintains motivation because you’re achieving something every day.

By assessing and working toward your goals, includingbalancing work and life, on a regular or even daily basis, you can setattainable targets and be proud of all the things you’ve accomplished in thelast year.

Balancing Work and Life: Gratitude

2011-12-30T13:15:00.000-08:00

More and more, I am convinced that if we take a fewminutes to find gratitude early in our day, each day is more balanced. If we dothis each day, that adds up to weeks, months, years – and a life – of balance.

I like to watch the morning news as I get ready anddressed for the day. Unfortunately, most of it is bad news for breakfast. Sowhat can we do to Scotchguard ourselves from the bad news around us? We canimmerse ourselves in plain and simple gratitude by creating a mental – or evenwritten – list of the good in our lives. Hey, just being thankful for wakingup and putting our feet on the ground is something!

Years ago, when I realized I was having a “feel sorry formyself” day, I would MAKE myself drive by the local hospital on the way homefrom work. Yes, it was perhaps 10 minutes out of my way, but I consciously knewI had to snap myself out of it and make room for gratitude. Now, I start mymornings with a breakfast of gratitude to make sure every day is in properperspective.

Gratitude is like attitude in that it’s contagious. Themore you focus on the positive, the more positive comes your way! Plus, you havethe power to spread it around.

As we enter 2012, be powerful in your gratitude and see howyour day, week, month and new year goes! Watch how it spreads around you. And, a bonusis that someone in your world will have you on THEIR grateful list.

Balancing Work and Life: Rekindle Your First Love

2011-12-23T09:31:00.000-08:00

Think back to your first love. Are you visualizing a muchyounger version of yourself in a special time of your life?

Last night I was on my last cell of energy, feeling half illfrom the weeks of pushing myself, driven through the Christmas season, and nowfinding myself dressing for a formal party which I had previously lookedforward to, but was now just dragging towards. My body, nor my heart was in itand every move felt exaggerated. The couch looked so much better to join – nota party!

Arriving and making my hellos through the crowd, I was doingmy best to be myself enjoying the festive crowd. A lovely dinner was served andthe conversation went well. At least I was getting to sit down, I thought,which was a great consolation for a much tired me.

And then the most rewarding, uplifting and renewingexperience happened. My first love arrived at the party. I sat up straighter,my heart beat a bit faster, my dull headache faded, a warm tingling feelingraced from my toes to my cold fingertips. A genuine smile even spread across myface and the tired lines disappeared as a younger version of myself appeared. Ifelt the love. I had pushed back this feeling for so long. I realizedimmediately I had not be attentive to my own needs.

A fabulously talented pianist sat down and filled the airwith piano music – my first love. My heart felt joy and I was also mentally playingevery note, remembering what my first love and passion was. I had been aprofessional pianist for 20+ years and had thrived and survived on expressingmyself through music. How remiss on my part to neglect my first love.

As I filled my cup by the end of the evening, I walked awaywith the knowledge that I had forgotten to feed my passion. My current workself, who never gets the list finished, had not spent any time restoring thelife me. I had a new attitude on balancing my life and work.

Have your spent time with your first love lately? As you cansee from this story, it is not cheating on your present self. Set aside somequality time to restore yourself, and may your days be merry and bright.God bless.

Givers and Takers: The Balance

2011-12-16T11:48:00.000-08:00

The holidays are a time when people are fixated ongiving. We shop for presents to give our friends and family. We search for theperfect gift and enjoy the emotional response of them liking it. There has tobe some endorphin released doing this because so many people love to give.Give, give give!

Many years ago (which I refer to with my friends as BL as in "Before Larry") I was a big giver. The giving I am speaking of, though, is notphysical gifts, but relationship giving. I was wearing myself out trying toplease people and give, give, give.

I have a friend who whorecognized my imbalance of giving and taking. When he approached me about it - and did and intervention of sorts - I was in total denial.Eventually, he gave me a book, The Givers & The Takers, to read and absorb. This book explains that being a giver is not all good, that weneeded to find times and relationships in which to take.

Needless to say, this 25-year-old intervention has stuckwith me. I have thought about it and worked with the idea for years, and findthat a balance means not only reaching a good place, but it has also grown inother parts of my life.

Givers and takers. I hope today you can take withyou this lesson and apply it to find more balance in your life.

Turning Off the Workaholic Mindset

2011-12-05T07:07:00.001-08:00

At certain points in life, we find ourselves working very hardon our careers. Whether we’re working toward a promotion, looking for a newposition or even relocating, it’s during these times we need to be especiallymindful of our work life balance. I came across a great post on the WorkAwesome blog by Nathan Gilmore that shares a number of pointers about howto create balance – and happiness – at work and home.

Here are 10 key points that Nathan shares:

1) Work fewer hours
Thanksto smartphones, many people feel they must always be connected and ready towork. Gilmore also suggests establishing a four-day work week.

2) Spend time with family and friends

Createa similar work schedule to the important people in your life so you can enjoyfree time together.

3) Save work for the office

Having a “working environment” is crucial, but equally important ishaving a “non-working environment.” Make your home a place of rest, not anextension of your office.

4) Keep your eyes off your phone
Doyou have that itch to “always be connected?” Set a regularly scheduled day ortimeframe to turn it off. It’s important to spend quality time with your familyand friends and keep your focus and attention on them during that time.

5) Find a few hobbies

Enjoyinghobbies will help you get out of work mode. It’s especially helpful if thosehobbies can include friends or family because it helps you stay connected.

6) Enjoy relaxing

It’sokay to relax and take time to recharge your mind and body. If you don’t taketime for yourself, you won’t be as productive at work or at home.

7) Accomplish personal goals

Thinkof all the time and energy you put into reaching goals at work. It’s equally asimportant to have a few reasonable life goals to work toward.

8) Only think about working while at work

Again,shut off that phone! Be in the present and focus on what you’re currentlydoing. Only think about work when you are physically at work.

9) Help your friends and community

Donateto a charity, give back to your community or help someone you know. You willfeel better about yourself when you do something for others.

10) Don’t wait, do it now!

Whenyou physically punch out of work today, mentally do the same thing. Don’t checkanymore email for the day. Shut off your work mind and focus on everything elsegoing on in your life, because there’s always plenty to think about.

Balancing Life Financially: Excellent Payout!

2011-11-23T11:59:00.001-08:00

As the holiday shopping season is officially underway,what better time to think about – and act on – balancing your life financially.When I was a newlywed, my oh-so-financially-astute husband had a huge shiverwhen I shared my financial knowledge. I drew upon my musician personality tomake my financial decisions. Now it is a funny story to share in seminars, butlooking in the rear view mirror, it was plain pitiful!

Through the years I have learned so much. And in my seminars, we address finances.Not the financial amount of dollars, but amount of knowledge. As I have oftensaid, knowledge is power. Power enables us to balance our lives and career.Win-win-win!

So if you are looking for that knowledge, let's hit a fewhow-to points:

Step 1: Recognizeyour finances. Identify your accounts, where they are located and how much isin each account.

Step 2: Learn thebasic terminology. What is a stock, bond, mutual fund, asset allocation, etc.

Step 3: Recognizewhere you are in your life, by age and circumstances. What is your tolerancefor risk and your investment objective? Do you know where you want to be in fiveyears? 25 years? Set your goals accordingly.

Step 4: Find abroker/investmentprofessional you trust. Establish a relationship. It is important you feelcomfortable and trustworthy of them, a person that is working on your behalf.One who you can ask questions and foster a process of learning.

Step 5: Meetwith your personal advisor regularly to discuss changes as they occur, andadjust your plan if needed.

If you choose to do it yourself, there are oodles of freetools available to help you manage your accounts. Check with your bank onoptions they may offer or try a free onlinetool to help you see where your money is – and where it’s going.

The school of life is a continuous process. Remember thatyour finances are considered part of the “long haul.” Stay the course and downthe road the payout can be very rewarding.

Proactivity: The Stress Buster

2011-11-18T11:48:00.001-08:00

Have you ever observed someone spending more energy on fixing aproblem when they could have used half that energy to do it right, thefirst time? Sports enthusiasts talk “offense,” but do they place it in theirdaily lives? Are you being proactive in arranging your personal life so as toknock out some stress? Proactivity is certainly part of being organized. Infact, “Be Proactive” is also Stephen Covey’s Habit #1 in his wildly popularbook, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

Here are a several examples of living the “proactive” philosophy eachday to help reduce stress – and find that all important balance:

· Scheduling regular checkups on your car and yourhealth.

· Putting a fire exit plan together for your home,not just work.

· Paying personal bills monthly via auto deductionson checking accounts and credit cards, not reacting to a paper bill that canget hidden in a stack of papers.

· Setting up a backup babysitter plan for when thedaycare unexpectedly closes, so you don’t have to panic or take off work.

· Storing personal items in one place, like keys,so there is no morning scramble looking for them.

· Sitting down and making a proactive plan for youand your family!

What a stress buster!

Company Culture: Important to Finding Balance

2011-11-11T08:00:00.000-08:00

This year, I was invited to play at a charity golftournament sponsored by Chic-fil-A. I had been around a few of the executives before withmy husband and was looking forward to the event. It was well executed withgenerous entry gifts, golf pros in every group, and even hot Chic-fil-Asandwiches delivered on the course! ButI must say, what superseded all of that was the effervescence of Chic-fil-A’scompany culture. One didn't need to read the handbook on this one. Theirbeliefs rang clear by what I call lead by example.

The executive leadership team was dedicated to “totalcustomer service” to their guests. Whenserved their food in the hotel or by each other, there was a spirit of sinceregratitude and a moment of praise for each task executed. It was quiteimpressive to say the least! It also provided a mental photo opportunity of howto treat others. Words like kindness, integrity and phrases like “the goldenrule” came to mind. This was a great life lesson of balancing life with work,and the results were obvious how it reflected in their personal lives as theyspoke of their families.

Does a company's culture come from the top? Or is it like aheartbeat that is felt from within? Or is it passed down from company history?And after identified, is your company culture something you can embrace? Andsome of you may be asking, "what are you talking about?!"

Companyculture encompasses the values and beliefs that are shared bymanagement, employees and shareholders. It should be strong and lasting, but itmay change with time, employees and circumstances. Does your company culturevalue work-life balance? Or is it time to revisit?

Company culture.

Can you read it? Yes.
Can you see it? Yes.
Can you feel it? A powerful yes!

Balancing Life and Work: Trust

2011-11-03T14:32:00.000-07:00

Trust is the backbone of any relationship – and an important part ofcreating balance between work and life. While researching the concept of trust,I was not surprised to find lots of negative activity surrounding it. Songshave been written about the lack thereof, counseling sites filled withresolving issues, and then there are the talk shows filled with distrust.

But how do we address trust in a positive fashion to help us find balancein our lives?

At Work: Surround yourselfwith trustworthy people. When working with new colleagues or hiring employees,do your homework on them. Have they been recommended? And by whom? Also, useyour gut-o-meter. If it has a glitch of doubt, move on. Building trust with your co-workers is critical to developing a strong, successfulteam – and helps tremendously in achieving balance.

At Home: It’s critical to foster an environment of trust withthose people who are most important to you. Family members and spouses mustestablish absolute trust in each other and know that they are in itas a team for the long-term.

In either situation, if trust is damaged, the road back is long androcky. But trust works both ways. Both parties must have a mutual sense oftrust in each other. How do you make yourself more trustworthy? Here are a fewqualities that will help:

- Be reliable to those around you.

- Be punctual at home and work.

- Tell the truth and don’t lie just to pleaseothers.

- Listen and understand people.

- Keep things private that were told to you inconfidence.

So, keep it simple, trust others with good probability. And by allmeans, work on being trustworthy. Building mutual trust and support of yourteam – at work and at home – is critical to finding balance in both.

The List Maker: I Don't Know How She Does It

2011-10-27T13:54:00.000-07:00

Have you seen the new movie, “I Don’t Know How She Does It?” It is awonderful movie, situationally realistic, in which Sarah Jessica Parker'scharacter is frantically trying to balance her career and her personal life ofbeing a wife and mom. During the movie we nod in agreement, laugh with her, seeourselves, and feel the guilt of being MIA with our own family.

During the movie she lives by “the list.” Later in the plot her husband triesthe list concept. Hey, I felt that was downright gallant!

Okay, interruption: let’s talk about the list. I have lived by “the list” foryears and may I say – it works! It is not a bad thing. It does not make me – orany of you – bad. It is not about being obsessed, but ORGANIZED.

So back to the movie... at the end she gives up the list in an effort to “free”herself. I wanted to cry out, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” We’ll never know if giving upthe list worked – but if it were real life, I doubt it. The lack of a listlikely would have made her life more stressful. I just have to walk awayknowing it is only a movie . . .

That said, trythe list, okay? It’s a great tool to help reduce stress and achievebalance in real life and work.

Balance of Life and Work: Friends

2011-10-20T05:41:00.000-07:00

In a past blog, we addressed corporate spouses as friends. We pointed out thatit is possible and usual, but within certain boundaries.

In trying to achieve good work-life balance, we needpersonal friends outside our work place to create a better balance.

Usually those friends are from our past, our childhood,teen or youth where we shared that huge learning curve together having no judgmentplaced on us at the time. Sometimes we gain good friends as adults by goingthrough tough circumstances. Some ask: do we still need those friends as wehave moved on, as in corporate moves? And if so, where does the value lie incontinuing the relationships?

True friends keep us balanced by offering us the varietyand spice of life. Good friends expand our horizons, foster our strengths andsupport us when times get tough. What is so important to me is that realfriends provide that extended safe place to exist – that comfort zone of home.

So how do we know who our real friends are? Trust. Truefriends are those you can pick up a conversation with as if no time has passed.

I love and appreciate my friends, those who I amprivileged to have in my life today, and those who I have been blessed with whohave moved on. I keep their words of advice and comfort close at hand as toolsto use when I need to keep my life in better balance.

Friends are an important tool in balancing life and work.

Balancing Life by Giving Back: Win-Win!

2011-10-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

Larry and I were recently honorary chairs forthe CattleBaron's Ball in our hometown of Springfield, Missouri. For those of you notfamiliar with this event, it’s a cowboy-themed fundraiser for the AmericanCancer Society (ACS), started in Dallas. Larry and I have been involved in ACSfor all our married life. The Cattle Baron's venue was new to us (yea, cowboyattire! – not the usual formal black tie). Regardless, we love it all.

Giving back is so important. In this economy, it’s tougher than ever – but italso means there are more people than ever before who are in need.

Larry and I grew up in families that taught us that giving back was absolutelynecessary to balance life. Minimum 10 percent to be exact, off the top of grosssalary. If I had a $5 allowance, I donated $.50. When I made $670 a monthas a first year teacher in 1977, that 10 percent felt significant. However, dueto my mental set and the giving philosophy my parents instilled, I lived to myremaining means monthly. Participating was important, too. Actions spokevolumes and our parents certainly led by example. Life was balanced.

There is a circle in life beyond “The Lion King.” It is the circle of the moreyou give, the more you receive. If you don't believe it, I challenge you tofind the courage and discipline to try it.

You might ask, where do I give? Find a charity that has touched yourlife. Identify your passion and the giving will follow. There are alsomany tools and tips available online to help you selecta charity.

Winning is giving back. Winning is looking in the mirror and knowing you aredoing the right thing.

Charity giving – it’s a win-win in balancing life!

Balance of Life & Work: Not Just a Movie Plot

2011-10-06T15:28:00.000-07:00

"I Don't Know How She Does It" is aninteresting movie addressing a very hot and popular topic these days. We haveall become aware that we are reaching for a magic bullet, the answer of how to findbalance in our lives. So there we are, intently watching a fictional plot hopingto find a hidden message. Well, as you might have guessed, there are no realanswers, but just a movie set of movie circumstances. The good news is that itdoes create super heightened awareness!

While “I Don’t Know How She Does It”is a great movie, at ExecuMate, we understand the real issues in findingbalance between work and life. Ready to address real life situations, weprovide hands-on tools and guidance to help you achieve balance and meet yourpersonal goals.

Balancing Life Physically: Exercise!

2011-09-29T12:56:00.000-07:00

My fitness instructor friend of 25 years (who also leads the fitness session inmy seminars) admitted when we were walking one day that she craved exercise. Iconfessed that I craved chocolate – but worked daily on my fitness.

I know what is best for me, usually. Doing it is another thing. So how do weget ourselves on board?

Discipline is a learned behavior, not a gift. I have worked on my owndiscipline for years to work out in order to enjoy better health. Truthfully,times have waxed and waned. I’d much rather play golf, thank you. Butdiscipline is the key to balance, and it is instrumental to achieving our goals,whether in fitness, work or life.

So what's the plan? If you can find time firstthing in the morning before the demands of the day begin, exercise is agreat way to clear your mind and start the day off right – with balance. I walk vigorously and use that timeto meditate. If you’re a multi-tasking type like me, walking meditation is agreat way to enjoy the benefits of exercise and meditation at the same time.

Finding your balance physically is important to finding balance in life. I doit daily while meditating and sometimes dreaming of . . . chocolate.

Focus: Staying in the Moment

2011-09-07T10:13:00.000-07:00

Many of my clients have expressed trouble shutting down work in their mind when they get home. Conversing with a spouse or children, watching TV, or even the simplest social task of listening becomes impossible. Ears go numb as problem-solving continues on the day's tasks. What to do?!

Meditation. So, exactly what does that mean?

Well, it is simply (and done through discipline) finding 15 minutes in the morning before your work day to read inspirational passages, pray to a higher being, reflect on personal meaningful thoughts, clear your mind while walking - or preferably - all of the above. The time and discipline to do this creates an ability to call on focus when you need it - to go to that peaceful place on call.

Time to try it!

Spring Cleaning: Ourselves

2011-03-10T12:17:00.001-08:00

Ah, sure . . . it's that time of year to consider our closets, storage and pantries. What do we keep? What do we throw away?

Purging is such a satisfying task for me. Whether I am reorganizing my closet or taking inventory of my life, the end result is gratifying.

I have encountered recent conversations with clients who have not taken time to organize their lives. Sounds funny, even peculiar, to some of us. How could those people who are so successful in their business and professional lives be so UNorganized in their personal lives? Going home has no appeal! Living day-to-day at home is terrifying.

Here is an exercise to get things rolling:

1. Lay your life plan out as you would a business plan. Yes, in print. Seeing our lives in an organized manner in front of us gives us realization and rest. It doesn't need to be complicated, just write it down! What do we want in six months, a year, five years?

2. Confer with your partner. Headed in the right direction? If not, discuss and regroup.

3. Set the plan knowing that things do change, but at least you’re planning. Put it in motion and as I say, "eat that elephant one bite at a time.”

Time to organize. Purge old conceptions that "life is difficult.” And yes, it would be good to clean out your closet. The cleansing is so gratifying.

Marriage vs. Friendship: One in the Same?

2011-03-04T08:11:00.000-08:00

I am always excited to see friendships develop into relationships – and find marriage.

The best marriages I know, including my own, speak to the beginning friendship. Oh sure, we’ve all had infatuations that landed flat in time, but as our elders have taught us, the relationships that started in friendship are the ones that last.

But somehow, usually through the side roads of rearing children, hardships, or seeing to the needs of others, that basic foundation of friendship gets forgotten. So, when I am leading seminars, we talk about those beginning friendships and get back to the basics.

When I am golfing and my game is off, I go back to the basics where the power in playing lies. When I correct my basic swing, my golf ball goes in the direction I am aiming. When I am shooting guns and missing targets, I go back to the shooting range and site my gun in. I get my sites back on track, and I immediately improve.

So it is with marriage. When you get back to the basic elements of friendship, marriage improves. Direction and sites are back! What are a few basics to remember?

· Listen. Have empathy for your partner.
· Try to meet the needs of your partner.
· Put the effort in, and not just for a short while.
· Share the good as well as the bad. Have fun together by sharing an interest.

This is a start. Rekindle your friendship and make plans for this weekend to do something fun and exciting with your best friend, your spouse!

And the Oscar Goes to . . . The Power of Two

2011-03-01T05:02:00.000-08:00

I watched the Oscars Sunday night, and the overpowering message during the acceptance speeches was thank you, spouse, for the opportunity to do my job as best as I could, knowing I had the support of you behind me, with no criticism in the time I spent doing it, and balancing my home life as I was not always there.

OK, so that is paraphrased, but the message came across in many emotions, and words of praise and thanks. Perhaps Christian Bale said it best when he choked up upon thanking his wife: “And of course mostly, my wonderful wife. My wonderful wife who’s my mast through the storms of life, I hope I’m likewise to you, darling, and our little girl who’s taught me so much more than I’ll ever be able to teach her. Thank you, thank you so much.”

I would imagine that there were many issues that had to be dealt with by the spouse, and many phone calls that refereed the home field. However, it happened because each person in that marriage/relationship made a conscience decision before the project to pick up the slack, to work on this project to make their lifestyle better, and to be partners in making it happen.

That’s the power of two… in Hollywood, in the corporate world, and in our own lives.

Among Corporate Spouses: Are We Really Friends?

2010-07-30T09:07:00.000-07:00

Early in the learning curve as their executive partners are climbing the corporate ladder, corporate spouses often comment and inquire, “We socialize often with people within our company at events. I really do like these other spouses since we connect on many levels. But I want to know, are we really friends? Where do I draw the line?”

What a great question! And if you’re asking the question, you’re already a step ahead by understanding that there should be a line.

It’s true, as spouses in the corporate world, we do connect on many of same subject levels . . . married, trailing, children, often alone, feeling solo, relocated, little time with our spouses, and the list continues. Pretty soon, spouses are commiserating their lists of complaints at parties, over coffee, and the “allied or angry” balance can weigh heavy on the angry side finding blame all around them. With “the list,” they view themselves as bonded friends who have common ground. But as I view them, they’re bonded by complaints.

However, corporate spouses can learn the skills it takes to turn this scenario around 180 degrees to be a positive experience. Through an ExecuMate seminar or one-on-one mentoring, the informed executive spouse develops the awareness to know conversations such as these can quickly turn negative, and use their learned skills to maneuver those conversations in a positive direction. Through sharing ideas, maintaining a positive mental attitude, practiced skills of adaptability, finding your own passions to enrich your life, and sharing the ‘power of two’ experience through seminars or mentoring, corporate spouses can be transformed into a supportive group, helping each other through the journey. They now connect as problem-solving friends.

OK, so did I say “friends?” Well, corporate friends. In the business world, these people will be coming in and out of your life as they continue their own journey. And keep in mind, something that is easier to learn before than afterwards, the information you share with another spouse could be used against you if that person chooses to share that information you consider private. When silently debating whether to share information with them, ask yourself these questions: Could this information hurt another person in the company? Could this information hurt my own spouse’s career? Would I want to read my comments in print?

The balance of corporate friendships tip in your favor when you have the tools and guidance helping you define such gray areas and often controversial subjects.

One final note: I have always been told that you can count your real friends on one hand and have fingers left over. Although this may not be exactly true, it does make a point.

Racing Ahead: A Checkered Flag!

2010-07-22T04:40:00.000-07:00

The Andretti family is one of the most well-known names in the racing industry: Mario, Michael, Marco. All capable of driving at incredibly high speeds, winning numerous famous world races.

Today, my story is about Michael Andretti. He uses the same amount of well-honed skill and focus helping people – which he’s made part of his life’s work through the Michael Andretti Foundation and lives it every day, as you’ll read in a moment - as he does successfully maneuvering a race car or coaching from the pits.

While in Toronto, Canada, for an Indy race this past weekend, I dined at the CN Tower, a stunning view atop the second highest building in the world. While lunching, an engaging server asked my friend and me about our visit to the city. When we shared that we were there to support the Andretti Team, especially Marco Andretti driving the #26 Venom car, he beamed a huge smile. “About 15 years ago, I was a bus boy here, and Michael Andretti dined here,” he shared. “He was so nice to all of us. He autographed hats, shirts, and had his picture taken with each one of us. I still have the photo plus the things he gave us. It was a highlight in my life!”

I shared this story with Michael at dinner that night, and he smiled, blushed a bit, and nodded with “that’s great,” sotto voce.

I exclaimed, “You can’t buy that kind of great advertisement, you have to live it!” I knew he did. Every day.

Isn’t life remarkable when the good seeds we sow find fertile ground and the crops may be reaped for years? Isn’t life great when we choose integrity and kindness as a balance of life and work? People do notice.

As we all race ahead in life, those who win practice what each of us in any walk of life is capable of doing every day: small acts of kindness, integrity and respect.

The checkered flag is waving - Michael Andretti, once again, you are a winner!

Executive Promotion: The Transition

2010-07-15T06:01:00.000-07:00

Regardless if it is our first job or one later in our career, the news of a promotion feels joyful. I often compare it to when I was auditioning for a major role in a play or musical. I would tell my friends, “Oh, that’s the easy part.” When you hear the news that you landed the part and you’re handed a five-pound script . . . now that’s the time to get nervous!

Recently, I attended several Broadway shows. During the outstanding performances, I was curious to know the daily schedule of such a performer. It boils down to the same questions I would ask of executives and their spouses concerning quality time, unusual work hours, etc.

Executives or couples in a dual-career family experience the same types of high-pressure challenges those Broadway performers do. The promotion means more time spent at the job (rehearsal), huge focus on your new role (getting your role face on), new people to work with (cast and crew) and delivering great work (an encore performance).

Moving into a new work role is challenging, time consuming and often a bit frightening for both executive and spouse. However, your bridge in a successful performance is to gain the support you need – and this is where ExecuMate can help you. I’ve played the supporting role of executive spouse for more than 20 years, and while each couple’s experience is different, we understand the issues and challenges – and can help you balance your life and work through personal experience shared in seminars and one-on-one coaching where spouses can feel at ease discussing these issues in confidence. We’ll help you achieve success in the form of an encore performance at work and at home!

Traveling: The Art of Packing

2010-07-06T11:51:00.000-07:00

I would like a dollar for every time I have presented a carry-on for a week’s worth of travel, and heard a gasp! I would definitely have some fun pocket money. It’s true, I have the gift . . . truly, just lots of experience. Regardless, I hope these tried and true packing tips will take you a long way, whether executive or spouse:

Practice discipline. It is absolutely necessary when packing. Make a plan – then stick to it. Do not be tempted to throw in a few more items “just because” or “just in case.” Yes, already, I can hear the groans.

Outline your trip on paper. List a daily schedule and note if it is necessary to change clothes for the evening.

Ladies first. Choose two colors to coordinate, and then find a splash of color to accent such as a top, blouse or sweater. For example, black is a basic color that is forgiving when traveling, so I add beige, brown, or silver as the coordinating color. Next, I choose my accent color, often red. Using a couple of suits, I add blouses or sweaters with the skirts or slacks and create multiple outfits. Don’t leave it to chance – list the designated use of each piece according to the time you will wear it, and with accessories including shoes. Choose your travel shoes, knowing when you will wear them again, and the same with evening shoes, handbag and daytime shoes. I limit myself to three pairs only, one I will wear traveling. After I have chosen my clothes, I add one more blouse in case of a spill. I place travel-size toiletries (cosmetic counter samples) in a gallon baggie, meds and basic make-up in my purse and I’m ready to go!

And the gentlemen. Men, we ladies think you have it very easy. Use the same outline for the trip. Wear the blue blazer, pack the suit, dress slacks that coordinate with the blazer or suit jacket, add dress shirts (don’t forget your cufflinks and color staves), and an extra pair of shoes for rotation. Add one short sleeved knit shirt as an extra. Prepare your ditty bag with mini-sized products from the travel aisle (new one each trip), and away you go! Meds go in your briefcase.

Ease of packing comes with practice. What one MUST adhere to is the discipline not to start improvising or compromising towards the end. The bonus of this discipline and well orchestrated plan? A lighter and smaller travel bag you will have in your possession the entire trip, more time – not wasted standing near the luggage belt – and no risk of the airline losing your luggage. Try it!

Dining Etiquette: Help! My Fork Has Fallen . . .

2010-06-23T13:44:00.000-07:00

I have dined with them all . . . celebrities, ambassadors, politicians, musicians and plenty of C-level executives. There’s one thing that all have in common: concerns of table manners – the right ones!

What brings this to mind is that Larry and I had the most privileged opportunity to host a dinner for the Boys & Girls Club Youth of the Year Finalists. What was this intimate dinner about?

First, personal goals are attainable if you stay the course, enthusiastically explained and exemplified by Dr Pepper Snapple CEO Larry Young. The other purpose: table manners.

Co-hosting this event was Lynn Duncan, Director of Catering, Anatole, Hilton in Dallas, who led us through the basics as I pointed out guidelines of appropriate social conversations. Truly, we have all navigated through these waters, and you can imagine who was listening most intently – yes, the adults sitting among the young people.

If you are that executive or ExecuMate overwhelmed at a dinner viewing a sea of glasses or wondering which bread plate is yours, you’re not alone. It is a common concern among executives and spouses when dining. When I address ExecuMates and ask what they need information on, they always express their desire of dining in good graces.

ExecuMate can assist you through attitude-boosting, positive power-of-two building seminars. Upon request, we can also address social etiquette and table manners through a custom-designed seminar tailored just for your needs. If your company would like to plan one of these seminars, contact us at colette.young@execumate.net.

Are you a good ambassador for your company via table manners? People do notice.

Moving: Making the Transition

2010-06-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

Confidence is a great feeling. It can be noticed in one’s facial expression, posture, tone of voice, dress and stride. But when we embark upon a new life in a new place and are shaken in degrees, how can we regain our confidence?

“Fake it until you make it” is an expression we have all heard for those going through difficult times. Even though my insides were unsure of what was going on, my outside appearance needed to show calm demeanor. So, how did I learn this?

Blazing a trail from Missouri to Poland, back to the midwest and onto Dallas certainly has built my confidence in making difficult transitions. But prior to that, 20 years of classical piano performance prepped me for those uncertain moments! No matter where I had to perform, if I had my music inside me . . . prepared, skilled, confident, I could perform it . . . anywhere! Once I took a deep breath, relaxed, and started playing, it all came naturally. The music sailed out as rehearsed.

So it is with being prepared for moving. Prepared? Skilled? Confident? This is where ExecuMate can help you.

ExecuMate can prepare you for your future cultural experience, equip you with the necessary tools for this move, and be in daily contact with you the first 30 days of your new adventure.

Buy new address book – check. Pack boxes – check. Put ExecuMate on speed dial – check. Gain confidence – check. No faking it now!

Building a Foundation

2010-06-07T14:02:00.000-07:00

Have you heard of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation? It was back in the news today, when Melinda Gates announced that the organization would spend $1.5 billion dollars over the next five years on health programs for women and children in poor nations.

The foundation was created by the Gateses in 2000, and demonstrates acceptance and teamwork in their successful executive/spouse relationship. And it also provides some lessons about what can happen when an executive and his or her spouse set goals together.

When you and your spouse are heading down the same path, following a plan you both had a part in creating, you have reached the crucial element of acceptance in your relationship. You’ve each accepted working toward common goals that will benefit both of you. Doing this, and persevering along the way, can provide very rewarding and fulfilling results.

The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation was a dream the Gateses had as a team, and they followed through on making it a reality through a lot of hard work - together. Their joint dream has rewarded the executive/spouse couple with an organization that is changing and improving lives on a daily basis. Two of those lives they have changed, on their journey, are their own.

What can you and your spouse work on to accept and commit to? You both could be pleasantly surprised with what the power of two can do, and you will become a stronger executive/spouse team as a result.

To learn more about the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation click here.

Mutual Support

2010-06-02T11:31:00.000-07:00

A recent article in Reuters reminded me of one of the critical components to a successful and committed relationship, the component of absolute support.

The article focused on John Stankey, President and CEO of AT&T. When John was asked what he does with his limited free time, he responded he spends it with his family.

If you read the rest of the article you will realize what a crucial time it is in John’s life. He is playing a large role in making AT&T more successful than it has ever been with the addition of the iPhone into the AT&T operations. Yet, even with the obvious stress and complications of John’s career, he still maintains a level of commitment to his wife and three children, by spending his free time with them.

John demonstrates his absolute support of his executive spouse by balancing his commitment to AT&T and making her and his children his focus. He also says in the article that he wouldn’t wish his lifestyle on any of his family members, but by being there for him, his ExecuMate is showing her absolute support for him in return.

Demonstrating unwavering support for your executive spouse, and him or her demonstrating it in return, is one critical piece of the puzzle that will make your executive/spouse partnership a rewarding and successful journey.

Celebrity Apprentice

2010-05-25T11:51:00.000-07:00

If you happened to catch Donald Trump’s “Celebrity Apprentice” last week, you may have noticed my husband, Larry, making a guest appearance. As the CEO of Dr Pepper Snapple, he introduced the final challenge to the remaining two competitors (Poison’s Brett Michaels and actress Holly Robinson Peete). I watched with pride as Larry laid out the challenge: create and market a new Snapple flavor weaving in their charities’ messages.

I also had the honor of dining with Mr. Trump before Larry’s spotlight performance. Among those at the table we discussed some of the challenges and opportunities that come with being an executive spouse. It boils down to a few critical elements of a successful executive/spouse partnership, including:

Team and trust. Both spouses must establish absolute trust in each other and know that they are in it as a team for the long-term. They need to accept that they’re in it together, know that they have a plan, and be willing to make it happen.

Relationship and responsibility. It’s about the power of two, and each member of the couple needs to be accountable to the other, and to themselves. It’s vital that both spouses realize that they need to approach the challenge as a team. The spouse climbing the corporate ladder can experience extreme pressure and loneliness along the way. Or, when one spouse gets a shiny new promotion and picks up the family to a new city or country, for instance, it may be difficult for the other spouse to immediately find a job in the new community. Instead of placing blame on the executive and bottling up resentment, the spouse needs to take responsibility and communicate his or her feelings and find a way pursue their own interests.

Understanding. For both the executive and the spouse, huge doses of understanding and acceptance are essential to staying connected – for the long term. Demonstrating understanding and support is a critical piece of the puzzle. Both spouses need to make concessions to make sure the other one is happy and fulfilled, and appreciates the other’s contributions. It’s incredibly rewarding when your spouse recognizes you as a valuable resource and partner, and it’s doubly rewarding when they share it with peers who recognize it, too. Watch any awards show on TV, and you’ll see countless examples of high-powered people profusely thanking their spouses for years of support.

Mettle. It isn’t easy, but being an ExecuMate is a natural mettle-building exercise. It’s easy to get lost and overshadowed, but remember to stand up for yourself and your spouse - be true to you.

Passion and perseverance. These two attributes are keys to success, no matter what you do. Find something you love – whether it’s a career, classes, hobby, philanthropy or volunteering – outside of your responsibilities as an executive spouse to ensure you are fulfilled.

It may take years to achieve your goals together, and both executive and spouse need to commit to not only the end result, but the journey, as well. Both need to recognize that there will be sacrifices along the way and it will take perseverance, but the end results can be rewarding on many fronts.

If you’re an executive spouse and seeking support from those who are on the same path, I’d love to hear from you. Sharing each others’ experiences is the best way to learn and grow. And no one will tell you “you’re fired.” I promise.

The Daily Question: What's for Dinner?

2010-05-14T14:20:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was particularly surprised when an ExecuMate empty nester mentioned that her executive expressed disappointment that dinners weren’t regularly prepared. Now, having gone through the family journey myself, I understand that it’s important to gather family at the same table, at the same time, and regularly during the week, when possible. That’s another blog post. However, as an empty nester myself, I took pause with this one.

Truthfully, I have seen this discussion fall into two categories: A) Couples who say life has moved past cooking every night – and they enjoy the freedom of winging it, and B) Those who have not. So, what’s this all about? Control? Expectations?

I say it’s about communication. Let’s talk about a solution for Group B. Although this may sound a bit stilted at first, after a few runs, it will become part of your regular routine. Let’s say, on Sunday night (assuming it is the night before your work week), both spouses sit down and review their schedules together. You know, “I have a dinner this night, I have a meeting that night,” and each partner shares their known schedule. This way, there are no surprises, and quality dinners - and time spent together - will be meaningful, even special.

Another quick tip: Plan the type of food you’ll share on a specific night. For example, Italian on Wednesday night so both spouses can plan NOT to have Italian for lunch. It’s simple, it’s easy – and everybody wins. Bon appétit!

Daily Issues: What Lives in Your House?

2010-05-12T11:14:00.000-07:00

Meeting with ExecuMates is the best education possible. Every time I have the privilege of discussing “what issues live in your executive house,” a short list quickly reappears. Loneliness. Single parenting (well, almost). Relocating. Unfair work issues for your spouse.

If just one of these issues lives in your house, you are not alone. Many executive spouses are living with them in their houses and within themselves, quietly, hidden, and unspoken.

At ExecuMate, we’re here to help – through personal experience shared in seminars and one-on-one coaching where spouses can feel at ease discussing these issues in confidence – and find ways to move forward. I’d love to hear from you - please feel free to contact me at colette.young@execumate.net.

ExecuMate Perks

2010-05-11T10:12:00.000-07:00

Whether dining with Gene Simmons of KISS, or co-hosting a party of 230 top performers in Bora Bora, one thing you certainly do know: Unless you are an executive spouse or a celebrity, this is not an average day. Appreciative? Yes!

As an ExecuMate, I humbly reflect on these fabulous experiences, both mine personally and those I’ve heard from other executive spouses – and these are the moments and memories that make those not so pleasant times all worth it. These amazing, once-in-a-lifetime moments serve as the equalizer making up for the missed dinners, missed holidays, loneliness associated with corporate moves, and of course those horrible personal experiences that only an ExecuMate can fill in the blank.

If you’re in a particularly unsatisfying place in your journey that feels seemingly unbearable at the moment, hang in there – and focus on the rewards of tomorrow. Good things do come to those who persevere and wait. But in the meantime, during the uncomfortable wait, fill your life with supportive people who have walked in your shoes, positive thoughts, and enriching experiences that you do have control over.

Happy Valentine's Day: ABC's of being a Spouse

2010-02-14T00:26:00.000-08:00

Appreciate each other's efforts to secure your family financially, and live within your means;
Believe in each other; encourage one another during difficult times; praise each other in success;
Consult each other; ask for opinion and advice when making decisions;
Desire each other physically;
Endorse each other in front of peers, friends, children, family; when you disagree, take it aside.

Freely enjoy your day celebrating 'the power of 2'...

An ExecuMate C-Level Etiquette Discussion: Lunching with a Nonprofit Recruiter

2010-01-21T16:35:00.000-08:00

Recently, a discussion arose among my nonprofit arena recruiter friends stemming from a question they often ask themselves: if a nonprofit recruiter invites a potential supporter of that organization to lunch or dinner, who pays?

After making a few phone calls to top recruiters and having been in the situation myself several times, I came to this conclusion: the invitee, the person with the funds that has the potential to donate to this non-profit organization, pays.

The reasoning: Although the recruiter has extended the invitation (and in just about any other social situation, of course, we know the answer), this time it does not apply. Why? If you have come this far to accept the invitation and are serious enough to consider donating, truly, you wouldn't want to take money out of that organization's pocket. AND, even if you decline the position, please...pick up the tab.

Executives and executive spouses: Have you been invited to dine by a charity recruiter? Accept only if you are willing to pay for lunch. Also, it would be really nice if you let them know as you accept the invitation. And very importantly, the offer and deed also demonstrates you have the frame of mind to be a supporter.

2010---The New Year Plan

2010-01-01T07:57:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

Welcome to 2010. As we reflect back on the year, the top of mind thought seems to be...how do I improve upon last year's plan? Hey, so many choices, lol.

If you were 'home for the holidays', you might be considering how to make that time a bit smoother. Let's talk about that...what is so 'normal' in family from everywhere gathering under one roof for days, 24/7, to blend naturally? Ok, so it works most of the time, but if it didn't for you, hey, it's ok.

As an executive, has your mind relaxed during those days, or were you still needing to answer phone calls, emails, texts, while nodding to relatives as though you were listening, yet you were managing a business in your head? If it was the latter, hey, it's ok.

As a spouse, were you trying to help everything, everybody, smooth out, juggling tasks and personalities, hoping for the best? Did you find yourself one exhausted heap landing in a comfy chair by 9 p.m. only to know it will be 'ground hog's day' to do over the next day?

So how do we plan better for the coming year to make all this smoother for the next holiday? How do we find a nice balance so we may enjoy 'creating memories' that are positive for our family? How is it done?

My suggestions begin with organization. Make a list of what needs to be done, even as long as it may be, and then start eating that elephant one bite at a time. How?

I start in the summer buying presents along the way and keeping a list of who they go to; wrap and keep in one place along with that list; if you travel to a holiday destination to see family, plan ahead with members making a plan and then a back-up plan; keeping things simple. If a 'family tradition' is just not working out, why are we so reluctant in keeping them? Make a new plan; make a new tradition. Holiday cards...address in the summer and keep ready to mail. Anything you can do ahead of time, do it. Trust me, even at that, there is a full schedule waiting, but perhaps it will be the fun events that you enjoy instead of chores.

Trying to do this holiday plan alone? Solicit family help. This should not be a solo event...involve the choir (ok, my music background analogy).

Home for the holidays? The novice are trying it out, experimenting what works. For those of us who have done it for many years...well, we are still trying to master it. Regardless, the efforts are well spent, but a plan that makes it easier is always welcomed!

Have a Happy and Blessed New Year...Colette

Moving: What a Challenging Event!

2009-11-08T15:03:00.000-08:00

Moving. For any of us who have moved from one location to another, whether domestic or international, we know it is exhausting...physically and emotionally.

Physically, the packing, the living like a vagabond during the interim session, then the unpacking. Let's just face it...exhausting, which even frays our nerves.

Emotionally, the goodbyes...like, how many can a person take? Another exhaustion.

Ok, let's throw in a few more elements: a spouse with a new position, children, schools, and throw in those friends and family who you have left behind that are planning their vacations to your new home, and you haven't even found the dry cleaners or Urgent Care! You are just one step from screaming.

So what to do?

First, I suggest that you gently, yet firmly, inform your friends that you need real time to adjust to your new surroundings before ANYONE comes to visit. Yes, even though you are feeling rather lonely, time for the whole family to adjust and get into a routine is so necessary. 'Tour Guide' should be down the list quite a ways.
Second, take that time to settle in, rest when you can, but yet get your bearings, find the necessary places...the grocery store, the kid's school, etc. Center yourself each morning with positive thoughts and lots of deep breathing. Staying calm helps everyone, including yourself.

Ok, so enough for instruction, today. To my newly moved friends, time to focus on your family and yourself.

Right now, accept your new season. Drink it in. Give yourself time to adjust. But today's point is: give your family the attention needed, and know the separation from the past is really not so separated (when you consider emails and cell phones). Hey, you know that, but try giving yourself some space.

Multi-tasking

2009-10-15T01:22:00.000-07:00

Wearing many hats...keeping all the balls in the air...
being professional person/spouse/parent/friend/home task person...
This list could go on and on and it is the same person...us!

As ExecuMate, we are more than the person married to an executive. We have many roles to fulfill, and often it becomes overwhelming. Sometimes it is not just an emotional ride, but a physical one that leaves us exhausted and admittedly 'out of it' some days.

In a recent conversation with an ExecuMate, shoulders heaved a big sigh of their own struggles just before they broke into laughter after hearing my story.

I sometimes feel that I have made it to a level of success in this crazy subject of multi-tasking. That's when life takes on a big hand palm and sweeps me right down to the ground in defeat, making me realize that it is just a daily task...a weekly experience that either I win or lose...or often as I express to those around me...like a game show of hitting the buzzer just before the game ends before proceeding to the next level.

It was a great morning, as I had planned. Every morning to me is a fresh and fabulous start. I had spoken with a reporter in Canada and all was well. Well, until I threw in that decision of doing a simple laundry task. Now I know that I am a person who needs to focus on home chores or working on my business, but....maybe not both.

Flipping on a faucett to hand wash out a couple of items in the laundry room, my cell phone rang. It was business which led me to my computer upstairs in my office, which then led me to check on an emails...yeah, you see where this is going...

Upon returning downstairs thinking life was on track, I was met by (let's see, what river shall I call it?), Sheer Panic! My feet didn't even know which direction to move as I think I went into all directions!

Ok, so the story doesn't end at just solving the problem, but unending calls in which I pleaded which most responded, 'but it has rained for 10 days here and all our people are out on calls'. Yes, someone did come, but all I could think of was...I will NEVER do this again.

Well, it was a non-damaging lesson to learn, but in one lesson, it made me put my self back on track of realizing, knowing, and embracing, that I am not the multi-tasking expert I thought I was.

Those who have heard my story (with more details) just start laughing. Why? Because they say that they have done similiar things, and recently, but told no one. Am I the only one who shares my shortfalls? I do know that I am sharing it for this reason...

This life is a journey, and the things we go through daily is school. No one has it all together every day, all the time. I know. And just when you think you have graduated to the next level, some humanizing experience just lets you know that you are just doing the best you can and it nevers feels like it is enough.

Multi-tasking? It is difficult. Find a bit of forgiveness for yourself if you come up short one day. Find a new route to take. Slow down a bit to regroup. Learn a lesson. I did.

Ok, friends, you can stop laughing now. :)

The Corporate Move

2009-09-28T15:27:00.000-07:00

So.....as the Executive, you are doing great in your job! You are maximizing assets and minimizing problems. You are a superstar! Now, for doing such a great job, you get rewarded by the company...

(dramatic music, please....)

The Corporate Move!

So, most of us have been there: offered, accepted or declined. Statistics show that 60% of corporate moves are being declined due to 'family issues'. Oh my. That could prove to be a list! (and funny, I've known couples that moved DUE to family issues!)

Regardless, it is real, it is difficult, and it has recently been brought to my attention to address it.

First we must ask, are you the person delivering the news or hearing it for the first time?

My point today is: regardless, be ready to sit down with paper and pen, make a list of the pros and cons, gets the facts, make the plan, and then make the ADULT decision. So what does that mean? Just as I said, 2 adults making the decision, not the children getting a vote.

Now why would I say that 'cold' statement? Because, in all my 21 years as an educator, and my continuing education as a parent, it is a matter of the couple making the decision, and then 'selling' the positives to the children (after research and being quite prepared) for their new adventure.

Let me ask you this question: Who is more adaptable? Adults or children? Children, of course.

So, when your time comes to either pitch the corporate move or hear it, know that it is truly a decision that is made considering your children (and I know there are special circumstances), but knowing the facts, and then moving forward as a team....

ExecuMate: The power of 2!

Receive

2009-09-17T05:00:00.000-07:00

This is the last of the small series of 'Believe, Achieve, Receive'.

In review, believe in yourself, achieve the path, and now...

Receive that you are in this journey for the long haul. This journey that is full of life experiences, full of rapid changes, full of bumps along the way, is here to stay. Just as in marriage when you say 'I do', it is all about the journey.

This is the ultimate gift you can give yourself: receive. Accept you are going to do your best and learn from your experiences.

Enjoy the journey!

Achieve

2009-09-14T10:06:00.000-07:00

This past week I had the fabulous experience of visiting Atlanta, GA, in the role of ExecuMate speaker and seminar leader. What great folks with true Southern hospitality! Thank you!

After addressing the 'Believe: physical, mental, spiritual' aspect, focus is then turned to the 'Achieve' aspect.

Through an exercise, ExecuMates learn how to identify or confirm their passions...those things that fill up that cup of happiness inside. So what is a passion?

As a child through college, I played classical piano. Even as a youngster, if my mother would settle me long enough to sit on a piano bench, then the rest was a breeze. It would be time that would literally fly away...

So, this is how I describe passion to those who are trying to identify it: Something in your life that you engage in that makes time fly. You enjoy it so much you cannot believe something else requires your attention as hours have passed.

After identifying your passion, make a plan for the vehicles that get you from point A to point B. It could be education, resourcing others, the internet, or just digging in that gets you to your passion. Discover how it will be useful.

Filling one's happiness cup is essential before spilling it over to the relationship. I like the analogy of being on the plane, and when the oxygen mask falls, you must put it on yourself before helping others.

Accountability is critical. The first sign of immaturity is blaming other for your unhappiness. YOU discover your passion; YOU make the plan; YOU carry it through.

Enjoy the new adventure, the new conversations, and the improved YOU!

Believe; the Spiritual Aspect

2009-09-10T07:07:00.000-07:00

The past 2 posts addressed the physical and mental aspects of believing in yourself. We review that to have good self-esteem, some plan for exercising the body, eating right, and maintaining good health is essential. The second is to continue your learning, to expand your knowledge by keeping up with the news, current events plus finding that passion you can take ownership of and learning more about it.

The third component is the Spiritual Aspect. I am convinced that everyone needs to find that higher power that is bigger than themselves or their world. Praying and/or meditating every morning plants us firm on the ground and braces us for the up-coming events. That personal spiritual relationship can calm us and help us sort out who we are and how we are going to handle the day.

(If you do not have a spiritual aspect to your life, I propose you ask yourself this one question, after reading this statement: when something so great comes along in your life that you are grateful for, and there is no particular person, purpose, for it to happen to you...who do you thank? Who are you grateful to?)

Believe in yourself, find self-esteem, by those three tools:
physical
mental
spiritual

So what are you working on?

Believe in Yourself; the Mental Aspect

2009-09-08T12:14:00.000-07:00

How do we believe in ourselves, mentally? You might be thinking, what does that mean, Colette?
In trying to complete a rounded 'self':

1) Be Organized.
There is nothing quite like the feeling after cleaning out a closet, a desk, a room, a garage...the purge. When we purge, we are taking out the unused, the unwanted, the 'stuff' that we once thought was important, and organizing what is left to look, feel, and useable good.
My suggestion: do it in your physical life, and then do it in your mind. Life needs organization.
2) Expand your knowledge.
Find interest in what is going on in the world news; charities around you; school for your new interest; even a trip to the hardware store to learn how to expoxy your own garage floor (hey, I did it). Push your limits and boundaries outward.

In being an ExecuMate, it is more inviting for your Executive to come home to organization (they will notice). Plus, over that quality time you have set aside for the two of you, at each opportunity, you will have an interesting conversation that is much more than 'what happened with the children today' or 'what went wrong at our work today'.

Keep yourself interesting and perhaps you can draw your spouse into your world, your new passions. It will be refreshing, and the enthusiasm can become contagious!

Believe in Yourself; the physical aspect

2009-09-05T05:06:00.000-07:00

I would like to address a small series of 'tools' to use in creating a happy Execumate, a happy Executive!

Today, we start with the word, 'believe'. Believe in yourself. So how do we do this?

1. Take responsibility of yourself? How??
2. Have you had a physical lately? Work towards being healthy, start at the base, being responsible for yourself.
3. Exercise. A must. Make a plan; take action. A great ExecuMate time is simply taking a brisk walk with your partner. It is quality time well spent, physically and mentally.

This is the first step. Believe in yourself by addressing your health!

Associated Press Article/Agenda Magazine

2009-09-04T09:42:00.000-07:00

Heads up, everyone! The news of ExecuMate is spreading!

Many thanks to reporters, Jaime Stengle and Josh Martin, for seeing the value of ExecuMate. If you wish, you can Google "Colette Young ExecuMate" and read the articles.

Balance of life and career...how to get to the top! I was golfing a couple of days ago while visiting with my brother. We were matched with 2 great guys. For those of you who do not golf, if there are 2 of you, often the pro shop places 2 more players. Although you do not know each other, it is a game of focus on the game, and side conversations are held off to the side, yet some fun conversation is held between the 4.

As we passed the 9th hole, the conversation came around to careers and everyone's daily life. When the guys asked about ExecuMate, they were firing questions wanting to know the answers, like ASAP!

I smiled knowing they were just loading their 'tool box' with the right equipment to handle their life jobs. They were starved for information.

Education is a great thing. If we prepare our children with all the 'tools' to handle difficult situations, why are we not do the same for ourselves.

I love this business. I am off to the super hardware store with my spouse!

Good Morning Texas!

2009-08-13T17:13:00.000-07:00

Many thanks to Pat Smith who hosted me on her television show; Treasure You! In talking with Pat who is a high profile woman in her own right, and also married to celebrity Emmit Smith, leads by example. Women admire and respect her. Why?
Pat has many past laurels, is a wife & mother, but at this time in her life has found her new passion...a new purpose to fulfill herself, while also helping others. One avenue is her television spot every Monday morning on Good Morning Texas.
See, this is what I am talking about in ExecuMate. New found purpose.
Visit Pat's website: www.treasureyou.com and enjoy seeing this woman of God, beautiful inside and out!

Going Home

2009-07-09T19:26:00.000-07:00

As I returned to Missouri this past week, I had the opportunity to visit with friends of 20+ years. I am still amazed that conversations can be picked up left from a previous time, so easily. It is like opening that classic book with an earmarked page. The story is strong, legendary, and can stand alone. You love it just as much as when you pick it up again, continuing the read, as when you previously had to set it down. The time in between is soon forgotten.

As a spouse involved in a corporate move, we have opportunity to go back to visit where we once lived, even what was called 'home'. It is comforting to enter that past story, but soon it is time to put in the 'book mark' and leave.

Friends, places and memories are precious. My heart is warmed by the positive changes in my friend's lives. I am always assured there is a place earmarked for me when I return...and the story continues. Soon, the time comes to set that story down and return to the adventurous corporate journey. That journey is a time to learn and grow again. I admit it,...I love both places. I need both places.

If you are a spouse that is moving soon, put your fears aside and look forward to the opportunity ahead of you. Yes, you can always go back home...to visit. Your comfort level will grow as you experience it more. You will soon find that you absolutely enjoy...both places!

Fortune Magazine; July 16 issue

2009-07-07T22:36:00.000-07:00

It was my great 'fortune' to be included in a by-line regarding the article, "The Best Advice I Ever Got". The Price for Advice...

So what is the price for advice? I mean, GOOD advice?! And then, what is good advice?

I believe that living through an experience, taking the walk and even taking notice of the road not taken, leads to a broader look of the journey. Finding someone who has been down that road, and is honest in telling you about it, leads to good advice.

Looking back, I am not so sure why I was that kid who listened to their elders. However, to this day, I seek out my friends who have gathered wisdom by experience when I am making decisions. As a matter of fact, I invited my 90 year old friend to lunch tomorrow (she was insistent upon driving her own car). She always gives me insight during our conversations. Extremely sharp and current in events, educated by years of experience, I respect and value her advice.

So what's the price of advice as you are looking for help in some decision making? Maybe it's the price of lunch, or perhaps in an email, it is free.

ExecuMate was born out of helping others. It is built on advice given from a veteran corporate spouse.

So, if you are looking for a speaker for your non-profit or faith group, the good news is, the advice (speaker) from ExecuMate is free. Yes, just as stated in Fortune Magazine. Have a very good day...

Boys & Girls Club of America

2009-07-04T12:26:00.001-07:00

Imagine being 17 years old, living with 7 younger sibling, sharing a single bed with 2 of them, attending school, volunteering in the community because you want to make a difference, mentoring and parenting your siblings, grocery shopping and cooking for them, working a summer job to put food on the table, and then working at the local BGC while donating hours, too, because you want to 'give back'.

Resonating so clearly in my head was my company's line..."balancing life and work together". At the recent BGC Awards Dinner in Dallas, Tony Spears won the Regional Youth of the Year Award. Congratulations, Tony! And great job, finalists!

It was my privilege to be one of the 5 judges who heard 8 stunning stories that day from young men and women who all were their state's winner.

My goodness! I had to refect on myself in terms of balance. And that energy...and motivation!! It became perfectly clear...it was what they could offer up to put themselves in a better place. Being in a better place is what drives them. The direction and content came from the beautiful people at the local Boys Girls Club.

Thank you, all, for giving me refreshed perspective on motivation, energy, and balance of life and work! And say, if you need a refresher course, just visit your local BGC and you might just find yourself joining in!

Happy Birthday America!

2009-07-04T11:45:00.000-07:00

When I think about Independence Day, I think about the variety of men who put their heads together in one purpose. Now, let's think of the women (their partners) who probably had some input, too. That could possibly double the power of numbers. The power of 2, the power of a team who signed the document, the powering up for a new country, new ideas.
Not only did these men align themselves with the idea, but they put themselves aside to form that team. Is that what your corporate team is doing? Are you building your company or are you building your career? Also, are you using your most valuable resource, your spouse for powering up yourself and your team?
Happy Birthday America! Let's grow in power of teamwork!!

2009-06-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

ExecuMate: the power of 2. When I watched the Tony Awards Sunday night, I was impressed by all the musical numbers, excerpts from plays, costumes, sets, etc. But when I heard award recipients using words that were on my list, 'balancing my life', 'made my career possible', I stopped my multi-tasking and sat down to watch. Gregory JBara accepting for 'Billy Elliott', the Musical, actually brought his wife on stage, praising her for her part of the success, that she was in L.A. raising their sons so that he could focus on his work, demonstrating that she was part of the award; director Mathhew Warchus, "God of Carnage" lovingly recognized his spouse; and incredibly impressive was Oskar Eustis, acceptor of "Hair" award, addressed his wife as the person keeping calm and harmony in the home. As he emotionally caressed his wedding ring, he stated that equality matters now. Impressive to say the least! Balance of life and career...it IS noticeable!

ExecuMate

2008-09-30T13:42:00.000-07:00

Executive, is your company in the dark when it comes to one of its most valuable resources? At ExecuMate we strive to help executives be incredibly successful. We believe a supportive, engaged spouse can contribute greatly to that success and ultimately to the overall success of the company, too.
Are you the Spouse of an executive? Do you need some resources to help you along through your journey? Sometimes it is some skill sets to help you balance your life and work.
This blog will address daily issues of both the executive and spouse creating a powerful and successful team...the power of two!