Meeting with ExecuMates is the best education possible. Every time I have the privilege of discussing “what issues live in your executive house,” a short list quickly reappears. Loneliness. Single parenting (well, almost). Relocating. Unfair work issues for your spouse.
If just one of these issues lives in your house, you are not alone. Many executive spouses are living with them in their houses and within themselves, quietly, hidden, and unspoken.
At ExecuMate, we’re here to help – through personal experience shared in seminars and one-on-one coaching where spouses can feel at ease discussing these issues in confidence – and find ways to move forward. I’d love to hear from you - please feel free to contact me at colette.young@execumate.net.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
ExecuMate Perks
Whether dining with Gene Simmons of KISS, or co-hosting a party of 230 top performers in Bora Bora, one thing you certainly do know: Unless you are an executive spouse or a celebrity, this is not an average day. Appreciative? Yes!
As an ExecuMate, I humbly reflect on these fabulous experiences, both mine personally and those I’ve heard from other executive spouses – and these are the moments and memories that make those not so pleasant times all worth it. These amazing, once-in-a-lifetime moments serve as the equalizer making up for the missed dinners, missed holidays, loneliness associated with corporate moves, and of course those horrible personal experiences that only an ExecuMate can fill in the blank.
If you’re in a particularly unsatisfying place in your journey that feels seemingly unbearable at the moment, hang in there – and focus on the rewards of tomorrow. Good things do come to those who persevere and wait. But in the meantime, during the uncomfortable wait, fill your life with supportive people who have walked in your shoes, positive thoughts, and enriching experiences that you do have control over.
As an ExecuMate, I humbly reflect on these fabulous experiences, both mine personally and those I’ve heard from other executive spouses – and these are the moments and memories that make those not so pleasant times all worth it. These amazing, once-in-a-lifetime moments serve as the equalizer making up for the missed dinners, missed holidays, loneliness associated with corporate moves, and of course those horrible personal experiences that only an ExecuMate can fill in the blank.
If you’re in a particularly unsatisfying place in your journey that feels seemingly unbearable at the moment, hang in there – and focus on the rewards of tomorrow. Good things do come to those who persevere and wait. But in the meantime, during the uncomfortable wait, fill your life with supportive people who have walked in your shoes, positive thoughts, and enriching experiences that you do have control over.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Happy Valentine's Day: ABC's of being a Spouse
Appreciate each other's efforts to secure your family financially, and live within your means;
Believe in each other; encourage one another during difficult times; praise each other in success;
Consult each other; ask for opinion and advice when making decisions;
Desire each other physically;
Endorse each other in front of peers, friends, children, family; when you disagree, take it aside.
Freely enjoy your day celebrating 'the power of 2'...
Believe in each other; encourage one another during difficult times; praise each other in success;
Consult each other; ask for opinion and advice when making decisions;
Desire each other physically;
Endorse each other in front of peers, friends, children, family; when you disagree, take it aside.
Freely enjoy your day celebrating 'the power of 2'...
Thursday, January 21, 2010
An ExecuMate C-Level Etiquette Discussion: Lunching with a Nonprofit Recruiter
Recently, a discussion arose among my nonprofit arena recruiter friends stemming from a question they often ask themselves: if a nonprofit recruiter invites a potential supporter of that organization to lunch or dinner, who pays?
After making a few phone calls to top recruiters and having been in the situation myself several times, I came to this conclusion: the invitee, the person with the funds that has the potential to donate to this non-profit organization, pays.
The reasoning: Although the recruiter has extended the invitation (and in just about any other social situation, of course, we know the answer), this time it does not apply. Why? If you have come this far to accept the invitation and are serious enough to consider donating, truly, you wouldn't want to take money out of that organization's pocket. AND, even if you decline the position, please...pick up the tab.
Executives and executive spouses: Have you been invited to dine by a charity recruiter? Accept only if you are willing to pay for lunch. Also, it would be really nice if you let them know as you accept the invitation. And very importantly, the offer and deed also demonstrates you have the frame of mind to be a supporter.
After making a few phone calls to top recruiters and having been in the situation myself several times, I came to this conclusion: the invitee, the person with the funds that has the potential to donate to this non-profit organization, pays.
The reasoning: Although the recruiter has extended the invitation (and in just about any other social situation, of course, we know the answer), this time it does not apply. Why? If you have come this far to accept the invitation and are serious enough to consider donating, truly, you wouldn't want to take money out of that organization's pocket. AND, even if you decline the position, please...pick up the tab.
Executives and executive spouses: Have you been invited to dine by a charity recruiter? Accept only if you are willing to pay for lunch. Also, it would be really nice if you let them know as you accept the invitation. And very importantly, the offer and deed also demonstrates you have the frame of mind to be a supporter.
Friday, January 1, 2010
2010---The New Year Plan
Happy New Year!
Welcome to 2010. As we reflect back on the year, the top of mind thought seems to be...how do I improve upon last year's plan? Hey, so many choices, lol.
If you were 'home for the holidays', you might be considering how to make that time a bit smoother. Let's talk about that...what is so 'normal' in family from everywhere gathering under one roof for days, 24/7, to blend naturally? Ok, so it works most of the time, but if it didn't for you, hey, it's ok.
As an executive, has your mind relaxed during those days, or were you still needing to answer phone calls, emails, texts, while nodding to relatives as though you were listening, yet you were managing a business in your head? If it was the latter, hey, it's ok.
As a spouse, were you trying to help everything, everybody, smooth out, juggling tasks and personalities, hoping for the best? Did you find yourself one exhausted heap landing in a comfy chair by 9 p.m. only to know it will be 'ground hog's day' to do over the next day?
So how do we plan better for the coming year to make all this smoother for the next holiday? How do we find a nice balance so we may enjoy 'creating memories' that are positive for our family? How is it done?
My suggestions begin with organization. Make a list of what needs to be done, even as long as it may be, and then start eating that elephant one bite at a time. How?
I start in the summer buying presents along the way and keeping a list of who they go to; wrap and keep in one place along with that list; if you travel to a holiday destination to see family, plan ahead with members making a plan and then a back-up plan; keeping things simple. If a 'family tradition' is just not working out, why are we so reluctant in keeping them? Make a new plan; make a new tradition. Holiday cards...address in the summer and keep ready to mail. Anything you can do ahead of time, do it. Trust me, even at that, there is a full schedule waiting, but perhaps it will be the fun events that you enjoy instead of chores.
Trying to do this holiday plan alone? Solicit family help. This should not be a solo event...involve the choir (ok, my music background analogy).
Home for the holidays? The novice are trying it out, experimenting what works. For those of us who have done it for many years...well, we are still trying to master it. Regardless, the efforts are well spent, but a plan that makes it easier is always welcomed!
Have a Happy and Blessed New Year...Colette
Welcome to 2010. As we reflect back on the year, the top of mind thought seems to be...how do I improve upon last year's plan? Hey, so many choices, lol.
If you were 'home for the holidays', you might be considering how to make that time a bit smoother. Let's talk about that...what is so 'normal' in family from everywhere gathering under one roof for days, 24/7, to blend naturally? Ok, so it works most of the time, but if it didn't for you, hey, it's ok.
As an executive, has your mind relaxed during those days, or were you still needing to answer phone calls, emails, texts, while nodding to relatives as though you were listening, yet you were managing a business in your head? If it was the latter, hey, it's ok.
As a spouse, were you trying to help everything, everybody, smooth out, juggling tasks and personalities, hoping for the best? Did you find yourself one exhausted heap landing in a comfy chair by 9 p.m. only to know it will be 'ground hog's day' to do over the next day?
So how do we plan better for the coming year to make all this smoother for the next holiday? How do we find a nice balance so we may enjoy 'creating memories' that are positive for our family? How is it done?
My suggestions begin with organization. Make a list of what needs to be done, even as long as it may be, and then start eating that elephant one bite at a time. How?
I start in the summer buying presents along the way and keeping a list of who they go to; wrap and keep in one place along with that list; if you travel to a holiday destination to see family, plan ahead with members making a plan and then a back-up plan; keeping things simple. If a 'family tradition' is just not working out, why are we so reluctant in keeping them? Make a new plan; make a new tradition. Holiday cards...address in the summer and keep ready to mail. Anything you can do ahead of time, do it. Trust me, even at that, there is a full schedule waiting, but perhaps it will be the fun events that you enjoy instead of chores.
Trying to do this holiday plan alone? Solicit family help. This should not be a solo event...involve the choir (ok, my music background analogy).
Home for the holidays? The novice are trying it out, experimenting what works. For those of us who have done it for many years...well, we are still trying to master it. Regardless, the efforts are well spent, but a plan that makes it easier is always welcomed!
Have a Happy and Blessed New Year...Colette
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Moving: What a Challenging Event!
Moving. For any of us who have moved from one location to another, whether domestic or international, we know it is exhausting...physically and emotionally.
Physically, the packing, the living like a vagabond during the interim session, then the unpacking. Let's just face it...exhausting, which even frays our nerves.
Emotionally, the goodbyes...like, how many can a person take? Another exhaustion.
Ok, let's throw in a few more elements: a spouse with a new position, children, schools, and throw in those friends and family who you have left behind that are planning their vacations to your new home, and you haven't even found the dry cleaners or Urgent Care! You are just one step from screaming.
So what to do?
First, I suggest that you gently, yet firmly, inform your friends that you need real time to adjust to your new surroundings before ANYONE comes to visit. Yes, even though you are feeling rather lonely, time for the whole family to adjust and get into a routine is so necessary. 'Tour Guide' should be down the list quite a ways.
Second, take that time to settle in, rest when you can, but yet get your bearings, find the necessary places...the grocery store, the kid's school, etc. Center yourself each morning with positive thoughts and lots of deep breathing. Staying calm helps everyone, including yourself.
Ok, so enough for instruction, today. To my newly moved friends, time to focus on your family and yourself.
Right now, accept your new season. Drink it in. Give yourself time to adjust. But today's point is: give your family the attention needed, and know the separation from the past is really not so separated (when you consider emails and cell phones). Hey, you know that, but try giving yourself some space.
Physically, the packing, the living like a vagabond during the interim session, then the unpacking. Let's just face it...exhausting, which even frays our nerves.
Emotionally, the goodbyes...like, how many can a person take? Another exhaustion.
Ok, let's throw in a few more elements: a spouse with a new position, children, schools, and throw in those friends and family who you have left behind that are planning their vacations to your new home, and you haven't even found the dry cleaners or Urgent Care! You are just one step from screaming.
So what to do?
First, I suggest that you gently, yet firmly, inform your friends that you need real time to adjust to your new surroundings before ANYONE comes to visit. Yes, even though you are feeling rather lonely, time for the whole family to adjust and get into a routine is so necessary. 'Tour Guide' should be down the list quite a ways.
Second, take that time to settle in, rest when you can, but yet get your bearings, find the necessary places...the grocery store, the kid's school, etc. Center yourself each morning with positive thoughts and lots of deep breathing. Staying calm helps everyone, including yourself.
Ok, so enough for instruction, today. To my newly moved friends, time to focus on your family and yourself.
Right now, accept your new season. Drink it in. Give yourself time to adjust. But today's point is: give your family the attention needed, and know the separation from the past is really not so separated (when you consider emails and cell phones). Hey, you know that, but try giving yourself some space.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Multi-tasking
Wearing many hats...keeping all the balls in the air...
being professional person/spouse/parent/friend/home task person...
This list could go on and on and it is the same person...us!
As ExecuMate, we are more than the person married to an executive. We have many roles to fulfill, and often it becomes overwhelming. Sometimes it is not just an emotional ride, but a physical one that leaves us exhausted and admittedly 'out of it' some days.
In a recent conversation with an ExecuMate, shoulders heaved a big sigh of their own struggles just before they broke into laughter after hearing my story.
I sometimes feel that I have made it to a level of success in this crazy subject of multi-tasking. That's when life takes on a big hand palm and sweeps me right down to the ground in defeat, making me realize that it is just a daily task...a weekly experience that either I win or lose...or often as I express to those around me...like a game show of hitting the buzzer just before the game ends before proceeding to the next level.
It was a great morning, as I had planned. Every morning to me is a fresh and fabulous start. I had spoken with a reporter in Canada and all was well. Well, until I threw in that decision of doing a simple laundry task. Now I know that I am a person who needs to focus on home chores or working on my business, but....maybe not both.
Flipping on a faucett to hand wash out a couple of items in the laundry room, my cell phone rang. It was business which led me to my computer upstairs in my office, which then led me to check on an emails...yeah, you see where this is going...
Upon returning downstairs thinking life was on track, I was met by (let's see, what river shall I call it?), Sheer Panic! My feet didn't even know which direction to move as I think I went into all directions!
Ok, so the story doesn't end at just solving the problem, but unending calls in which I pleaded which most responded, 'but it has rained for 10 days here and all our people are out on calls'. Yes, someone did come, but all I could think of was...I will NEVER do this again.
Well, it was a non-damaging lesson to learn, but in one lesson, it made me put my self back on track of realizing, knowing, and embracing, that I am not the multi-tasking expert I thought I was.
Those who have heard my story (with more details) just start laughing. Why? Because they say that they have done similiar things, and recently, but told no one. Am I the only one who shares my shortfalls? I do know that I am sharing it for this reason...
This life is a journey, and the things we go through daily is school. No one has it all together every day, all the time. I know. And just when you think you have graduated to the next level, some humanizing experience just lets you know that you are just doing the best you can and it nevers feels like it is enough.
Multi-tasking? It is difficult. Find a bit of forgiveness for yourself if you come up short one day. Find a new route to take. Slow down a bit to regroup. Learn a lesson. I did.
Ok, friends, you can stop laughing now. :)
being professional person/spouse/parent/friend/home task person...
This list could go on and on and it is the same person...us!
As ExecuMate, we are more than the person married to an executive. We have many roles to fulfill, and often it becomes overwhelming. Sometimes it is not just an emotional ride, but a physical one that leaves us exhausted and admittedly 'out of it' some days.
In a recent conversation with an ExecuMate, shoulders heaved a big sigh of their own struggles just before they broke into laughter after hearing my story.
I sometimes feel that I have made it to a level of success in this crazy subject of multi-tasking. That's when life takes on a big hand palm and sweeps me right down to the ground in defeat, making me realize that it is just a daily task...a weekly experience that either I win or lose...or often as I express to those around me...like a game show of hitting the buzzer just before the game ends before proceeding to the next level.
It was a great morning, as I had planned. Every morning to me is a fresh and fabulous start. I had spoken with a reporter in Canada and all was well. Well, until I threw in that decision of doing a simple laundry task. Now I know that I am a person who needs to focus on home chores or working on my business, but....maybe not both.
Flipping on a faucett to hand wash out a couple of items in the laundry room, my cell phone rang. It was business which led me to my computer upstairs in my office, which then led me to check on an emails...yeah, you see where this is going...
Upon returning downstairs thinking life was on track, I was met by (let's see, what river shall I call it?), Sheer Panic! My feet didn't even know which direction to move as I think I went into all directions!
Ok, so the story doesn't end at just solving the problem, but unending calls in which I pleaded which most responded, 'but it has rained for 10 days here and all our people are out on calls'. Yes, someone did come, but all I could think of was...I will NEVER do this again.
Well, it was a non-damaging lesson to learn, but in one lesson, it made me put my self back on track of realizing, knowing, and embracing, that I am not the multi-tasking expert I thought I was.
Those who have heard my story (with more details) just start laughing. Why? Because they say that they have done similiar things, and recently, but told no one. Am I the only one who shares my shortfalls? I do know that I am sharing it for this reason...
This life is a journey, and the things we go through daily is school. No one has it all together every day, all the time. I know. And just when you think you have graduated to the next level, some humanizing experience just lets you know that you are just doing the best you can and it nevers feels like it is enough.
Multi-tasking? It is difficult. Find a bit of forgiveness for yourself if you come up short one day. Find a new route to take. Slow down a bit to regroup. Learn a lesson. I did.
Ok, friends, you can stop laughing now. :)
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